I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My balls are so social today.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
