My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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