3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
