Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
