Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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