he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
