No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
