I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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