Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
