Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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