I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
