she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it because I queefed?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
