there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We left the knife in your bed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
