I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
