i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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