dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
