you traded sex for a burrito?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
