would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize