yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
