My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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