but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
