Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
