She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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