the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
