You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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