I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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