these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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