Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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