My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you win again, gameday.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize