sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
