U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We need to get me chipped asap
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
