High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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