I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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