Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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