I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
