the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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