I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
