once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
