I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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