if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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