You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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