Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
