The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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