I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
