They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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