I think i peed on brittanys purse
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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