Sry I called you an 8
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
