Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
