I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
