Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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