Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
