But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
