they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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