You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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