I hope mine doesn't look like that
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
