im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
