i just had sex bonerless
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
