this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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