I got chris browned last night
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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