Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
