I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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