No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
