you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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