I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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