What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
