i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
