i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
