i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
