I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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