My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
