i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
