I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
