i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
