I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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